Acolyte of Sweet Waters

[SilasNorth]

It was difficult, impossible even, to get the images pulled from his mind. Faces twisted in agony of last moments spent bathed in one's own blood brought on by sick melding of metal and flesh. Several hours on the road and still did the images of the pile of corpses outside the small fort cling to his mind. One of the fallen met eyes with him briefly and it was this vision he found the most disturbing. He knew there was no life in those open eyes and yet this man become corpse looked upon him as he rode by, as though he were to blame.

Were all the dead like that?
Did they blame, or simply envy, those that walked amongst their shells still breathing?
He couldn't help but wonder if these were thoughts best tread upon considering his destination.

Perhaps, if all went according to plan, he could make some small difference. There could be another presence to comfort with him, another set of hands to aid, and another set of ears to listen. One with elven heritage certainly had an advantage in the latter in particular. Maybe they would realize that too. This image comforted him a bit more, even bringing on a bit of laughter at the prospect that he would be accepted as an acolyte into the Ineania church based on the fact that his ears happened to be long and pointed.

Ravenswatch had three things that attracted him. It was said to house one of the more impressive churches in devotion to the Maiden of Fresh Water, it was said to be a rather safe and secure city, and it was a good distance away from the city he left behind. These reasons ran again and again in his mind reminding him of why he was here.

He couldn't stop the nervous itching, the infernal scratching along his short black hair as his wagon rode through the massive gates of the city. His breathing hollowed. Where they really going to accept him? What truly did he have to offer them other than a promise to uphold their tenets?

...always put another's needs before one's own.
...always act in a manner that will create the greatest good for the greatest number.
...always follow the course of righteousness.

He was welcomed with a smile and a kind comfort to his obvious shyness and nervous demeanor. His amber eyes and slightly tanned features were unable to look at first to the preistess that greeted him and heard of what had brought him here. However, he still paid close attention to her words, including the first question she had asked regarding what his name was.

"Casca..." the young man replied.

[SilasNorth]

Benevolent stone eyes glanced downward. Whether or not it was a reality, in the mind of Casca it felt as though the gaze was upon him. Mixed feelings surged, but not one of them seemed to deem he was being 'blessed' by this spectacle. He seemed scared, quivering, muttering thoughts aloud after a half-hearted glance to see a lack of others.

Others he was hoping to call brothers and sisters of faith one day. That union, that family... the idea comforted him at first and in the past week, they had all been so kind to him. He had thought that such things he desired had been in grasp.

"....a family...."
"....been so kind...."
"Yet, you look upon me so."

Most would argue the visage upon she of sweet waters was a serene, simple smile. To Casca, it felt like a look of judgement. Whether this was for good or ill he could not say but the confusion of such worried him, brought him to his trembling knees.

"This was the right decision... I know it was. But it's so hard to forget everything...."

Sinking; that's what it was like. Perhaps she knew of his few nights of sneaking out. It was hard not to breathe in the occasional nightly air, even when cooled dramatically by the winter winds. And it made perfect sense the goddess would know such a thing. Why would she be upset about such things?! "Be careful at night... it's best for everyone to stay inside." That was what was said, not "STAY indoors." Maybe the insinuation was there, maybe not. That gave no right for the goddess to look upon him in such a way.

"Casca!"

He was roused from his thoughts of the early morning when he returned, just before the sun was beginning to rise. Back in the throes of reality, it was actually early afternoon and the simple task of sweeping was one he had already fallen asleep twice on.

"S-sorry!..." and back to work he went.

It was boring...drudgery. He expected to be given tasks like this but figured at least now he was doing it by a choice and for a cause. The former wasn't entirely true perhaps, but he DID choose to be here at least and that was a decision of choice far more than what he had participated in during the past.

That's what he kept reminding himself...

He couldn't help but wonder if there were any early-goers this morning. Did they see him? Did he appear as if looking upon the goddess in shame, woe, or spite?! Were his destined 'brothers and sisters in faith' already having doubts? His tired eyes looked about, but not in anger. Perhaps, he just had to try harder.

That's what he kept reminding himself...

[SilasNorth]

Those eyes...

The stone face was carved to show the compassion and soft-hearted nature of the Lady of Sweet Waters; a goddess in her immortal prime. And yet those eyes...

He couldn't help but feel that they looked upon him in utter disappointment....

It was a rare day for Casca in the fact that he was early to tend to his chores and quick to accomplish them. The fish of the temple ponds were fed and the floors were swept to perfection. In the aftermath of this desire to complete everything needed for the day in a mad dash, the young acolyte sat before the statue of the goddess, gazing up at her. For the first hour, there was virtually no movement. Some of his fellow... if truly he could consider them such a thing, would look upon him and wonder if he even blinked.

Second hour... third... Subtle movements, but nothing beyond this.

"Why?...." he asked silently as a whisper in the fourth hour, long after many bothered to pay further attention. The question was almost hurtful at first, as if a tear was to be shed. But his teeth grit as much out of anger and frustration more than anything. As far as he was concerned, enough tears had been shed in this matter. It was not supposed to be an easy road. Despite the numerous times he had told himself up to this point, he felt as though he didn't truly understand it til now.

This was the only word he spoke all day, and the only ears it fell upon was the Lady of Sweet Waters herself.

[SilasNorth]

It was growing more and more difficult to rise. There were dreams, nightmares really if could call fleeting memories such things at all. When he did arise to the prodding of a senior priest or merely the beckoning sunlight, all that could typically be recalled what what appeared to be a set of eyes upon him. It seemed strange to be so disturbed by such a simplistic sight, and the very idea of such brought him to keep such things to himself, answering questions of looking unwell with dismissive answers.

Today he was to clean along the outside of the temple, sweep along the interior of the iron gates, as well as dust off any cobwebs that may have formed. For some reason, he felt almost safer outside of the temple today. Though he typically preferred days with a few more clouds, the early summer warmth felt refreshing.. relaxing... He didn't feel the shivers and fears he did before, despite the fact that he was arguably safer within the temple than without for practical, and arguably spiritual, purposes.

It simply didn't feel that way though. When he looked down the street, a route he had taken several times already in walks, it wasn't a simple jaunt which crossed his mind but rather the possibility .. the prospect of fleeing.. just running down that road and not looking back.

But he couldn't..
He simply couldn't...

It was not due to a matter of capability, but rather resolute reason. He had made a promise. He had a duty to fulfill. He wanted to go back to 'her', but the very thought of such was dangerous at this point. Dwelling on such topics jeopardized everything which had brought him here and kept him. Even the very THOUGHT of such was dangerous. But on not thinking of 'her' for so long, he began to feel a sense of guilt as well. Everything... everything couldn't be just left behind so easily, could it?

No....

His eyes widened as he swore he felt what seemed an answer of sorts whispered among the summer breeze, bringing not comfort this time, but rather a chill down his spine. Had he spoken that last question aloud without realizing it? And who was answering? Was that even an answer? His eyes peered about frantically. There was no one about... The academy was quiet today... at least among it's entrance. There was no one within sight. No one to give the answer he was certain he heard.

The urge to flee returned... but now he wasn't sure if it was safer down the road or back within the Temple. The eyes were there... those damnable undetailed eyes, of which was no longer certain or not belonged to the Lady of Sweet Waters. Perhaps she had reason to look down upon him, look upon him as a lazy man not truly worthy of the promises he made, but could a goddess truly have such contempt in her eyes... her damnable eyes?

Tonight... He was uncertain if he was speaking his thoughts aloud or not, but as he swept the concern of such was not present.

Tonight let there be dreams of focus and clarity.
Tonight let there be dreams without the gaze upon him.
Tonight let there be dreams of 'her'....