Vox's Inner Battle

[Greenboy3]

Vox returns home with a fresh journal after a long day of battle in Lendose against the swarms of the Mistresses forces. At first, Vox simply stares at the piece of paper material, placing it on the desk and ignoring it for the time being taking the time to bath and get a little relaxation in after the events. Though, when he does return back to his room he again stares at the empty and new journal before finally taking a seat to begin writing. . .

I finally told some individuals about my dark side, or more so, my dark past. It was not much, to be quite honest, but it was.. A beginning. Yes, yes I know, I never thought I would be able to do it either but..It happened. They only know the very basics, I was a slave, and my most recent master Logan. For me, that was pushing it. But I am here, I am free, and if I plan to actually stay here..To make a real life, a new start, I should start acting like it. Quit hiding in my head, drowning myself in training and work.



Quinn.. My dear sister, I love her more then anyone, or anything. She says this place is safe, that I can begin fresh, and ever since I arrived I believed it...But at the same time, I have not. Do I actually think I'm safe? To an extent, sure. But truly, as long as Logan..Flex..Or any of those evil infested fiends prowl these lands and hunt me..I'm not safe. And I will never feel or think I am, till they are all dead. Maybe the constant look over my shoulder, or thought that my next meal at an Inn will be my last is good for me. It keeps me from lowering my guard. But at the same time, it keeps me from being..Happy.

Happiness.. Something that, sadly, I rarely know. Of course I feel it when I am with my sister Quinn, and see it between her and Zeo. It's amazing how well she's transformed into this new life. It makes me wonder if I will ever be like that. All of these friends, a loved one, endless supplies of whatever one needs.. Back when we were slaves, I would have never expected her to be like this. Free, in love, surrounded by happiness and friends. The gods have blessed us, truly.

Maybe one day, I will have people I can call friends and not just acquaintances, a woman to love and loves me in return. Maybe, but right now I don't think such things will be happening anytime soon. Not until I can conquer this past of mine, and finally put it behind me. As Phelan said, when one is trouble himself, it is difficult to do much else. Or..Something like that.. I'll just go with that.

Vox smirks a bit at his writing and lets out a heavy yawn as he stretches.

Suppose I should retire to bed here, who knows perhaps Phelan, Celestia, and whoever else I fought with today may need another piece of walking armor to get beaten around. Which reminds me.. I'm going to, yet again, need more repairs. Felt like my helmet and head merged into one.

At this he grins and looks over to his Vanguard flier he received in the first defense of the Mistress he aided in.

I wish I could remember the man who gave me this, the Vanguard. From Slave, to Paladin and formidable soldier, who would have thought.. Next I see Quinn, I will have to ask if I should join this Vanguard or perhaps I would be more suited to work with Phelan..Or was he with the Vanguard? I'm too tired to try and remember all of this..It is still all so new to me.. How do I end these things? Goodnight..Me? Till we write again..

He begins to laugh at himself as he writes shaking his head, though he leaves his first entry like that. For the shortest moment he smiles at the journal and gives a small nod of approval before making his way to get some rest.

[Greenboy3]

Vox returns home after a lengthy day, seating himself at his desk and giving a slow look around of his freshly furnished room he lets out a long sigh before opening his journal and quickly writing.

Today was..Interesting, to say the least. I spent the majority of it near the gates of Cear, just casually conversing with those there. It was...Enjoyable, I think? Learned of a man named Thanos, supposedly he cares for the resting of the dead, but at the same time I feel he does more then that.. Any man who is willing to raise undead do not sit well with me. Also, a woman there who..I..can't remember her name. Truly I have to start working on remembering people, but again in the past I was either serving the person and didn't care for them.. Or I was forced to take their life. Either way, this woman proved to me that maybe I do not have to get into any form of organization. Just being myself, it seems, can fit in just like joining the Vanguard. I'll be taking the time to start investigating to see what options I have, and to see if I truly wish to commit myself to that, or simply do what I wish and aid those who need it. We will see what comes.

But anyways, after some long discussions with that small crowd, it seems something..Attacked. At first it was rats, and then some giant...Thing.. All I could tell is that it was large, and on fire.. But before I knew it, the crowd who gathered took it down. All of us stood around for some time in disbelief of whatever it was and questioning, well...What it was..

Vox grins at that before leaning over his journal once more continuing his writing.

It didn't take long before that all familiar portal tore open in front of the gates and Canites started to flood out. The battle itself was a bit of a blur to me. Perhaps I took a blow to the head too hard again, or the ones I was fighting with handled it swiftly. Either way, the next thing I can truly remember is all of us standing in front of the portal not really knowing what was happening. Phelan and Thanos were trying to remove the portal, but it apparently was unwilling. During the moment of, what it seemed like, frustration and confusion.. I tried to throw some jokes out, in hopes to lighten things.. But apparently nobody there was getting it or they were just too worked up to like them. And apparently, some of my joking people have done in the past.. It's not my fault people are not intelligent nor wise enough to know what they should and should not do..

He growls a bit, clearly annoyed with this section of his writing before he just shakes his head.

I'm going to just leave it there and move on.. After the whole ordeal, I just went and stood near the statue, truthfully too annoyed to actually speak with or interact with anyone. Which, I'm fine with..Not that great at it anyway. But what happened next was unexpected.. Well..Okay, Zeo asking for my help wasn't incredibly unexpected but the conversation we had later was.. Questionable...

Zeo asked me to come along with him and help, which is nothing troubling and getting to spend time with Zeo is..A good thing, since he is marrying my sister after all. He lead me to the smithy, and I thought he had some work to do or perhaps he made an order for Quinn..Who knew. But he goes in and some moments later comes back out in some very nice and knightly looking armor. I was impressed, I will admit, it looked great on him. Though, he asked how it'd look for a wedding, and I tried my best to answer..I did. But I don't know what he expected, I know nothing of love, nor marriage. The only things I know are my sister, combat and the life of slavery.. We continue this conversation before I admit to him that I have no interest in relationships, nor friendships really at this time.. In which he says that he used to speak like that too and that one day I will.. Ok, maybe I will.. But right now, I have no vision of that or desire of it. And he continued to push, saying that I'm here now, to look where I am and he even tried acting as if this curse of his is worse then an entire life of slavery.....

At this point Vox's writing can clearly be filled with anger, the quill being pushed harder into the journal and Vox himself begins to shake a bit as he writes



Is that man serious to compare some curse to an entire life of slavery? He has no clue what I have been forced to do, the nightmares I have, the restless violent nights I have.. If he could have just the shortest glance into my head, and see the things I have done..The things that haunt me he'd be horrified. Everyone would be horrified of the monster that I really am! I walk around as this brave, shy, and vigilant paladin. But deep inside, I'm nothing better then the monsters they combat. My past will forever haunt me, I will never see a comfortable nights rest, or be able to look someone in the eyes without thinking I'm undeserving of such kindness. The rest of my life is going to be spent redeeming for the deeds I have done...

The writing stops there as Vox just loses himself in a form of a depressive and hateful rage, grabbing the journal and throwing it across his room. He stands and paces the room for some moments, tears rolling down his cheeks before he stands before the mirror, only seeing the monster that nobody else can see ((Picture above gives a good idea of what Vox see's himself being)) It doesn't take long before he lets out a scream of rage and does everything in his power to smash the mirror to nothing but shattered remains. Once he's done so, he continues to stand in front of the empty frame of the mirror, breathing heavily, blood drooling and dripping from his fists and tears continually streaming down his cheeks and neck...

[Greenboy3]

Vox spends the majority of his time out of the house, selling recent gears acquired during his small traveling and jobs he does. Though during his day, he eventually runs into a woman named Beryl and a Trajin speaking of his sister. He, of course, asks if they need anything of her. Though with some talk, it was just a mentioning of her. Quite some time is spent speaking with these two before Quinn herself arrives, while at first Vox was warmed by her presence. Though as the discussion continued, and eventually Celestia joined, Vox felt..Out of place. With that, he'd depart the circle of discussion, do some dealings in the docks, retrieve a new set of armor then head home to his desk immediately to write, frustration and sadness overwhelming him.

Did I really fight all this way and suffer just to learn, my sister..The only person I care for and truly desired to be with in this land is...So different from myself? I try..I try so hard to think perhaps in time, I will be like her. But..Do I really? So many people try to change me, and I can see some need for change. Slave habits are something to be removed. But do I need that much changing?

For most, I seem to be just that brother of Quinn, that pretty face, that guy people can tease for an easy laugh, or the brave fool who joins the front where he doesn't belong. But Quinn, she seems to be the icon of Cear. Every man comments how lovely she is, beautiful she is..While she is such, it gets a bit tiring having to wonder if I'll be breaking their nose later. Ever since her and Zeo have separated, it's as if things have even escalated.. I figured her to be a bit more... Hurt over the whole mess. Even the woman speak of her so highly. Quinn, the Queen of Cear..And her Brother Vox..That awkward fool nobody knows but has a pretty face..

Vox growls, and even a few tears hit the page before he continues writing

Queen, may be an over exaggeration.. But still.. The more I am here, the more I can tell...Her and I far different, and it pains me. All of that suffering, the torture, the sacrifices...My fighting, each day feels like it was just to learn that it was for...Nothing. I miss how we used to be one in the same, we couldn't be separated. Well, we still can't be, but it..It isn't the same. I'd give anything to have that bond we used to have back, but perhaps it may be time to accept that with our separation came our differences..We grew into different people.



He continues to write, a few more tears dripping on the page. Though he'd hear the door of the house open, and then some chattering.

Let me guess, Quinn invited guests again. Out in public, we cannot just have moments together because everyone and their ancestors know her. And now that Zeo is gone, she is constantly having people over, never giving us time to actually enjoy one another.. She claims how she cannot live without me, yet I'm just another shadow in her hordes of people. Maybe I'll let her enjoy her guests, her parties, whatever you call it.. Perhaps this room would be better used as a guest room for all her damn guests.

As the people start to settle into the home, and the noise rises he growls in anger slamming his journal shut. With quick work he gathers his equipment and some supplies to last for a few days. He'd prepare himself to leave grumbling under his breathe "Sad that I feel a damn horse understands me more then my own sister." And with that he departs his room, giving each guest and his sister a rather angry gaze before departing the house.

[Greenboy3]

The first night of Vox being away from home, outside Cear's walls goes rough. Without Quinn to help him sleep, he tosses, turns and has his frequent nightmares. He sleeps underneath his tent, his horse quietly outside and the fire he created just simple embers at this point. Though, the weather starts to turn into a gentle rain, quickly turning into heavy and disturbing rain. As the weather transforms into this storm, Vox's nightmares intensify as well. Eventually Vox shoots up in his sleep, breathing heavy and sweating. He looks around quickly to ensure he was safe, and slowly stands up to exit his tent. For some moments, Vox just stands in the heavy rain letting it drench his body. The scarred and overwhelmed Cuhannan just stands there, his horse gently coming up to nudge him with his muzzle. Such a simple thing breaks the trance he was in looking to his horse with a soft smile, giving it a soft hug before he re-enters his tent, and grabbing his journal to begin writing.

Well, the first day away from Quinn and the city was.. Rather relaxing, till it became time to sleep, as usual. I forgot how peaceful it was to be out in the wilderness, how good the air is to be alone in such a refreshing environment. But I also forgot how painful it is to be alone at the same time, to have nobody around but my horse. The things that happened to me..To us are unforgettable.. And the rain only reminded me of it apparently, for I relived it in my dreams like it just happened..

Vox for a moment put down everything as he inhales deeply and leans his head back at the memories. After a short breather he returns to his journal.

The rain was incredibly heavy, much like this night, but it didn't let it stop us.. Joseph and myself traveling as fast as we could, despite this uncomfortable and torturous rain. It felt like an endless journey in this condition, but we eventually found a farm and we both knew we had to rest sometime.. So we tried our luck to see if they'd be willing to house two random travelers.

Vox chuckles a bit at this and shakes his head as he writes.

Joseph just wanted to truthfully see if they had a farmers daughter available, but I knew inside he also had what I had in mind. Get enough rest to keep moving before Logan caught up. As we knocked on the door of the farm house, it took quite some time to answer but eventually they did. Quickly we shared that we were wondering if we could just have a place to rest, just briefly so we could get right back to the road. Surprisingly, the family was more then welcoming, though we did have to stay in the barn. It felt good to have a warm meal cooked by a caring family, the first time my stomach actually felt.. Full. As much as we wanted to linger our stay in a warming home that was so different for us, we needed our rest. We both headed to the barn to find a comfortable pile of hay to sleep on and get up as early as we could to keep moving.. It was only a matter of time till they were on our heels that is.

With this Vox tenses and becomes uncomfortable though he keeps writing.

What came in the following day, I..I didn't expect. Joseph and I right away asked for the nearest town, we needed supplies to continue. Because, we didn't know when we'd find the next place to get a quick restock. As expected, the family told us where to go, and even shared some of the gold they had to spare. I tried declining, but it seems they were persistent and we were more in need. With that, we headed straight to town.

Restocking on supplies didn't take long, but Joseph seemed keen on repaying the family in some way. I guess during the stay he noticed some tools that were looking a bit...Aged. No matter how much I insisted and told him that we needed to keep moving, anywhere from here or back..He pushed even harder to do something in return to this kind family. Finally, I couldn't fight it anymore and we headed back as fast as we could, but it seemed the storm had a desire to return. With each quick step back to the farm house, we kept seeing a cloud of black smoke rising. At first, we thought it was just someones fire perhaps burning out from the storm, but as we got closer it came from the farm.

At this we took on to a full run to get back, and before we knew it.. There they were. A small force of mercenaries, and the families heads on pikes. Before I could even take it all in, Joseph was ready with blade and shaking my shoulder.

"Vox, this is our chance.. We stand and fight, we avenge this family! Don't let these bastards get away with what they've done."

I didn't think it was the greatest idea but, I was too overwhelmed. Without a second thought I took out my shield and blade, giving a nod to Joseph. Joseph charged right into the mercenaries, and I not too far behind. The battle was..Ruthless, bloody.. Their was so much rage that it's all but a blur of steel and blood.. Bodies were scattered, Joseph and I were in bad condition, and the families farm destroyed.. And their heads on pikes displayed in front of us...



Vox shakes now, his writing become less clear and tears drip on the page

I was overwhelmed by it all, it happened so fast. Collapsing to my knees I just stared at it all.. All of it happened, because of me...Because I was here. A perfectly happy, kind family dead, because all they did was open their doors to me. This was the first realization that Logan wasn't just after me.. But he'll be after anyone I know, or get close to..Nobody is safe as long as I'm around..

Vox finally stops at this closing his journal as he just shakes from the emotions.

[Greenboy3]

Vox returns to his garrison room Commander Klinks provides him, placing his hammer down next to the bed along with his shield as usual, he lets out a soft sigh looking down upon his blood covered armor. The day was long for Vox, and his recent task has been circling in his head all day. Slowly he starts to undo his armor making way to the desk provided in the room. Slowly he sits down, to start working on removing his leg pieces of armor before he looks to a rather dusty journal at this point sitting at the desk. Vox stops undoing his armor with a smirk, reaching for the journal and sliding it closer to him. Brushing the dust off he cracks the journal open, chuckling softly to himself.

I nearly forgot about you...

For some moments, Vox just re-reads his previous entries, shaking his head. Though once he reaches the first blank page, he looks over to his ink and quill and without hesitation he grabs them and starts to write.

Well let me start off by apologizing for neglecting you, dust can be quite an annoyance. But much has happened since my last entry. Started a..New life to say in Morell, I work for Commander Klinks under Section Six. I'll admit, it's not a grand life or a comfortable one somewhat like Quinn's. But it is a life for me. For once, I feel as if I'm redeeming everything I've said, or done in my life that was wrong. Each criminal, each thug...Each piece of scum I strike down or bring in to justice is a step closer to accepting my existence. Though, some missions Klinks puts me on are...Difficult. Sometimes physically, sometimes..Mentally. Like today.

Commander Klinks received information on location of some important members of the Ni Triad hiding out in a local residence. Now, we assumed this was just a normal families home but apparently the Triads were using this family's home to hide out and forcing them to do tasks so they could be hidden. But it's only a matter of time before good and justice finds out the truth.

Without any questions I headed to the location immediately, knocking upon the door the mother of the family of course answered the door. She seemed quite happy, and relaxed..Which isn't what I expected. It didn't take much for me to gain entry to the home, surprisingly she seemed more then willing to let me in. Perhaps the Triad moved on from this location, or they are here and well hidden.. Those were the first few thoughts.

With no arguments she showed me around the house, showing me there was nothing to hide..Until we reached the last room. It was the kitchen, and there they were.. Three Triad members, sitting in the open despite knowing my presence in the home. And the family, sitting with them as well just as if..Nothing was wrong. My look of confusion at the situation was amusing to them apparently before they spoke up, though I moved away from the mother at this.

"Vox Patteel, the thorn in our ***, side, and every other part of us from Command Klinks little hut.. You seem shocked.. Were you expecting us to be holding this lovely family hostage? Forcing them to do our bidding? Surprised that, even criminals as ourselves can... Be decent?"

Without hesitation I grabbed for my hammer, though for the moment I didn't take it out...Who knows what they could have done to this family. Magic is a powerful tool..

"I've been sent here to bring you to justice and to set this family f--"

I wasn't even able to finish my sentence before I felt a sharp sting in my lower right rib. Looking over, the mother had drawn a dagger and slipped it in between the weak parts of my plate, growling at me as she spoke.

"You speak of justice and yet here you are to ruin my families comfort! These men provide for us, and all we do is give them a place to work. We didn't ask for you to come here, nor help us Paladin!"

Slowly I looked to the dagger, then back up to her before looking to the other men. They were slowly rising, drawing blades as they were grinning of what has happened. Even the small child had a club. Could this family truly be content working with such people? No..T..They had to be controlled...

"Vox Vox Vox... If you would have just stayed in that little room of yours, you wouldn't be in this mess...Now where has your bringer of justice attitude brought you?"

The Ni Triad approached slowly as he patted the flat end of his blade against his palm.

"Right...It brought you to us, and I couldn't be happier..Logan is going to pay a pretty reward for your ***.."

The men lunged at me, and despite being taken by surprise, I threw my shield arm to deflect them as I grabbed the mother and shoved her away before drawing my hammer. I didn't wish to bring this family to harm, but they have joined my enemies.. Despite thinking they are innocent.. I did what I had to do.

The fight felt like it lasted hours, but before I knew it..Bodies were sprawled across the house, blood splattered everywhere. A mix of my own and theirs, and even the families. Why did they get in the way? Logan, or the Triads had to have done something to them..But it's too late now.. I did what I had to do right? This..This is different from what Logan had me doing. This was for justice, not for revenge or for power...Justice..



I kept looking around at the bodies, and the blood. And the memories of killing innocent families, gladiators, masters... All flushed back into me. How can we tell what is different? I just killed three criminals, but a family as well..In the name of justice. I..I didn't want to, but they forced my hand.. But I didn't want to do what Logan did either..But I did..

Vox puts the quill back into the ink bottle before looking at the journal, silent tears rolling down his cheek. Content with his writing he slowly slides the journal back to where it was and proceeds to remove his armor and clean up after his long, trying day.

[Kell]

ooc: ooh I love what you're doing here.. that's great inner struggle. Want to see more :0

[Greenboy3]

http://youtu.be/YHIZ3A2-eHE

Vox has been quite busy as of late, relocating from Morell, being back in his sisters home as he transitions to a new location which he's decided to be Aucklorn Mill, and now it seems his path has lead himself to Celestia's spare bed...training...medical lab..Room. The time he spent with Celestia was appreciated, though some simple discussion brought back memories and thoughts. With this, Vox would take out his journal when he had time alone to begin writing, smiling fondly at his work and progression as a free man.

It's been some time, and much has happened. Though I guess nothing...Terribly exciting like the last events in Morell, but still much has happened. I moved in with Quinn briefly as I... Straightened out my thoughts and decided upon a place to move on to, which is Aucklorn Mill, if you were wondering.

Vox can't help but grin to himself at that before continuing on.

The place is so infested with evil and undead that it keeps me busy, which some argue is bad, but for me..It's good. It makes me feel like I'm working towards bettering myself, finding myself and honestly... Improving this land, even if it's a small shred at a time. But one thing that always comes to haunt me, or at least...One thing that will always slap me in the face like a mad cook with a frying pan is...Love

At this he pauses, and even leaves the room briefly to find something to drink before returning back. Sitting back down, he looks at the journal hesitantly before returning to his writing.

I may have said this multiple times before, but everyone and their ancestors around here have lovers, partners, whatever you want to call them. But I've learned from Logan that having such, is only a tool to cause pain or have leverage against you from those evil of heart..

Vox gets lost in his memories and thoughts for some time, actually drawing out a picture.



She was perfect, at least to my eyes.. The way she smiled, moved, spoke to me and even just the brief times our eyes locked... Everything about her just brought the light out from me. Which, if anyone saw her they wouldn't think that.. But in the end, all I did was get her killed. What if I never let myself get close to her...Attached to her.. Logan would have never put her as a target.. He would have never killed her.. Hells, killed is putting it lightly.. I was the reason she was tortured and her death was so...

He stops at that, unable to go further getting lost in his pain, and even anger for a brief moment before pressing his quill roughly into the journal page



Logan, you've taught me several things...Most bad, but in some cases..Good. You've taught me that any attachment can be used as a tool to get to somebody. But love being the strongest one to get into ones heart, to destroy them and craft them into what you want them to be... I can't change that Quinn is my sister, and that you've already used her as a tool of pain.. But I can control everything else.. And until you are gone, and trust me...You will be by my own damn hammer, I will make sure you have little to nothing to use against me...

Vox lets out an angered growl before finishing his writing. He takes a slow sip from his drink before looking over his picture he drew previously, putting the quill to the page once more he puts a small note at the bottom of the page. This writing is more calm, elegant and quite lovely.

I am sorry, Tonia.. I wish your life didn't end as it was, but I promise you.. It will not be for nothing.. Logan will get what he deserves, and he will rot in the hells when I am done with him. Really wish I could have told you this, but I love you...Hopefully one day I will see you again..